Report 030 - [Voice]

[followstheflame]

Everything seems to have quieted down now.  How many Amestrians are still here?



[ooc:  She'd rather not hear from the Homunculi, but feel free to bug her.  It would keep her updated on how many of you still remain, too.]

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Jean blinks at the knock at the door, maybe its Aizen? He sets down what he was working on, shaking his head to Hope.]

No, no. Stay. Papa'll get th'door.

[He peeks out of it just a slit and looks surprised to see Riza standing there, opening the door of course as soon as he knows who it is.]

Come in, must be bad if y'gotta tell me t'my face.

[He chuckles softly, trying to make a bit of light, but his humor is forced.]

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[followstheflame]

[She walks in and shakes her head at Havoc.]

You haven't been yourself since Ai left.

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Jean closes the door once she's inside, pausing at the statement, but he wants the bluntness because he's tired of everyone beating around the bush.

After applying the lock to his door, he gestures his arm toward the living room area.]

Felt like I lost my own kid or kid sister, she may'a been a brat and sometimes downright wrong.. but she truly cared about th'people around her n' I cared right back. Not sure how a person's supposed t'act when someone like that leaves.

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[followstheflame]

[She makes her way to the couch, sitting down.]

In this world, you can't dwell on what's past. At any moment anyone can disappear and if you aren't ready for that possibility, you will only suffer more.

[Sigh.]

There is nothing wrong with you, Havoc, I assure you.

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Jean lags behind only to get what's readily available in his house to drink which is Alcohol fortunately/unfortunately. He pours quite the glass for both of them and hands her one before he politely takes the chair that is kittycorner to the couch.]

I'm learnin' th'hard way that you're right there, Lieutenant. Can't get attached here at all. But it's hard not t'sometimes.

[Hearing that there's nothing wrong suddenly doesn't make it any better, but thankfully not worse either.]

Gotta be, Lieutenant. I gave th'world t'Rangiku n' she threw back everythin' in my face. If someone who claimed t'care that much does it, then I gotta be not seein' somethin' that I'm doin' t'drive people off who don't already know me for years.

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[followstheflame]

[She watches that glass hesitantly, not having expected to drink today, but she takes it, thinking she'll need the alcohol to get through this.]

I never said it would be easy.

[And here we go, time to start the drinking. Riza takes a sip and tries to hide a cringe from the bitter taste.]

Havoc. I've known you for years. The Colonel has known you for years. You are one of the most honorable men we know. You're not perfect, but if we say we are, then you can laugh in our faces.

Rangiku has known you only a short time, but I'm sure she's not perfect, either. I don't know what's going on, but did it ever cross your mind that she made a mistake?

[She sighs again and takes another sip.]

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Jean follows suit, only his aren't sip-types, after the first swig he sets it down on the log style coffee table in front of both of them. He's listening, of course he is because he asked for the help to figure out what he's doing wrong.

Her honesty about imperfections is refreshing to hear that he's not the only one with personal faults. He puts both of them on a golden riser and would probably exchange unkind words with anyone who spoke ill of either his Lieutenant or his Colonel.

Though his eyes had wandered to that drink when Rangiku's name was mentioned, by the end of it his eyes snap up toward Hawkeye's. Not angry, just surprised at the self revelation. No. No he hadn't thought that.]

I'd be lyin' if I said yes. She's not th'first woman t'do this t'me either, so that's why I gotta only conclude it's not her mistake. Besides.. present company excluded, she's as close as any woman's ever gonna get t'perfection.

[Yes it is half compliment to Riza and a little bit of trailing off worship still sticking around about Rangiku.]

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[followstheflame]

[She closes her eyes at the compliment and speaks softly.]

Don't say that about me. I've hurt you, too.

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

Nah.
Sure, not gonna hide from ya that I intended on makin' gentlemanly advances t'ward a relationship with ya - but lookin' back on it, I set myself up for it without thinkin'. Y'didn't hurt me Lieutenant, neither yourself or th'Colonel.

((OOC brb, Gotta take my cat to the pet store))

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[followstheflame]

[She takes a bigger sip, feeling the alcohol warm her throat on the way down. The subject needs to get off of her.]

But Rangiku did.

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Jean's head re-bows at that statement, soon after the clickity clack of nails comes along and Kitten's flopped at his feet. One foot raises, bare as the day Jean was born and rubs her tummy for her with the foot as per her silent request.]

Yeah. She did. I guess it's that obvious. After Solaris I didn't think I could ever feel somethin' like that again.. then Rangiku. Now I don't want t'ever feel like that again. Selfishly enough I wish th'damned whateveritis that brought me here'd send me damned home.

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[followstheflame]

[She has nothing to say to that. She's felt selfish before, but nothing ever came of those feelings. She is still in Adstring.]

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

...I'm sorry, Lieutenant but it's th'truth.

I'd rather go home n' meet my grave than stay here n' be a walkin' corpse without her.

[All at once he can't stop himself from continuing.]

I had thoughts over th'past few days that'd make my Ma slap me all th'way from th'East for thinkin' 'em. I don't even know why th'hell she left me n' any time I try t'talk t'her about it she's so aloof and it hurts all over again. No, scratch that, I know why n' don't know why she still left me.

[By that time, his knuckles are white on the glass he's holding and Kitten nudges his foot because it's stopped rubbing. That and she doesn't want him to set the house on fire with that angry, confused glare at the hardwood.]

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[followstheflame]

[Once he starts speaking again, Riza watches him closely, slowly putting down her glass and rounding the table to stand in front of him when he gets a little too crazy. She holds his glass in one hand and tries to pry his fingers off of it.]

Havoc, stop this.

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Kitten moves out of the way when Riza comes to stand in front of Jean and there isn't much prying needed, maybe just some coaxing before he lets go of the glass in his hand.

He does do what she says though, he stops it all entirely and just stares/glares at the place he chose until he makes it to her feet where the glare is lessened. He's not angry with her after all.]

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[followstheflame]

[She reaches up (way high, because wow, you're tall) to cup his face in her hands and keeps eye contact.]

Listen to me. I don't want to hear you give up so easily. Life is difficult, but we all have to accept that and move on.

Just because you've had bad experiences with women doesn't mean you're wrong. Maybe...you haven't found the right woman.

[She then realizes she's really close and that's probably not helping Havoc. Riza lets go and takes a step back.]

I'm sorry.

[Offline] - wrist catching mun pre-approved.

[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Jean freezes in spot when her hands fall onto his cheeks, suddenly he wishes that he shaved this morning. It's not so much her words but her vicinity that has him so captured, being touched affectionately like that has been on his mind constantly. Sure, the least likely person he thought it would be is Riza Hawkeye.. but he'll take it where he can get it at this particular time. He feels broken, used, un-needed, hollowed out, dead inside- he could be in a room full of a thousand people and still feel alone.

But that touch. Not so much who it's from, but the affection behind it is true enough for him.

Before her hands fall too far away, his catlike reflexes capture one of her wrists. His grip is strong but nothing close to what the full extent of Jean Havoc's brutish ability to hold something could be. It's soft enough a grasp to let her know he's not intending harm and brings her tinier hand back slowly up toward his cheek. His eyes close at its approach and his head bows to meet her arm half way so she's not over-extending it. Ever so gently the hand previously holding her wrist slips upward and he cups the back of her hand with his large one, nestling his cheek into her soft hand.]

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[followstheflame]

[This isn't good. Riza knows she's in dangerous territory, but she has to be careful in how she handles this. If she moves away too quickly, he could feel rejected, but if she stays...

Riza doesn't want to give him false hope.

But all she can do is freeze there, debating her options. Her hand against his cheek curls away and she tries to slowly pull away.]

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Dangerous indeed, luckily Jean's mind isn't so clouded over that the way her hand curls doesn't signify some sort of twisted caress. That realization hits him pretty hard and he instantly lets go of her hand, his eyes opening again to hers.]

...Thank you.

[Not sorry, he's not, but thank you instead. However the next thing he does is grab wherever she put his drink and throw it back, wincing it all the way down while he drains the beakerish glass. That done he clears his throat while the burning sensation still lets him know he's alive, hitting his chest with his hand a bit. Yeesh, hardcore burn.]

I won't try it again, Lieutenant, y'can relax. I just got caught up n' it won't happen again I guarantee.

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[followstheflame]

[She keeps an eye on him, concerned.]

I know. I'm only worried about you.

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Jean stares down at Kitten when she crosses back in his view, headed back to her litter since it seems things are under control. For a long while he looks at Riza and her concern for him. He's not misinterpreting it and that's obvious from his body language, he's just trying to assess it.]

Don't worry about me.. I'll ..

[He doesn't know what, but quickly words don't fail his idiot brain now.]

Get over it, I guess. Like th'other times, I'll get over it.
[That was definitely more for her than him. But gaining pity isn't what he's after and it was a sincere try to calm her even though his thoughts haven't changed truthfully.]

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[followstheflame]

[Riza listens to him as he speaks, but takes a better look at the house, seeing how the dishes have accumulated in the sink and especially the empty alcohol bottles lined up. She takes her glass and sips some more of the alcohol inside, still grimacing a bit.]

Well, drinking yourself into a stupor won't help you get over anything. Take care of yourself and this place. If I woke up to this every day, I wouldn't want to do anything, either.

Do you see what I mean?

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Jean looked to the places that Riza had when she says key words, like the alcohol bottles. It's not that Jean needs a mother/his mother to survive or know how to take care of a place - but the not too gentle reminder that he was living like someone who didn't care to live never hurt.

He nodded his head to that too. He understands what she means.]

Little easier said than done, Lieutenant. Only reasons I got anymore t'bother even gettin' out of bed is th'girls n' trainin' right now. If they didn't have other little guys n' gals t'take care of .. I've at least been tryin' t'do things though... Man named "Gai" here's been teachin' me about th'way they fight back at his world.

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[followstheflame]

Then make other reasons. Do something to get yourself out of this slump.

[She tries to smile.]

If I have to make that a direct order, I will.

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[2ndlt-jeanhavoc.livejournal.com]

[Jean's free hand again rubs over his face, setting that glass down. If he re-fills it he'll empty it again and he's not too keen right now on the idea of buzzing around Riza right now.

He gives her a politely timed smile to hers.]

..Well .. I have been wantin' t'see if I can find a goat.